a guide to locking in for people exactly like me

research findings from studying myself for over a decade

In a Sweat! by Yuki Hayashi, from Run With the Wind

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It’s a new year, and as one does, I have a set of goals I want to achieve this year. This is the first year I’ve decided to announce some of my goals publicly. I want it to be known what I want, if I fail what happened, how my life tends to unfold.¹ This guide is another attempt at documenting as such.

In foundations, I talked about seeing things clearly and needing to get to a state where my head is clear in order to be in my most optimal form. Well, what happens when I fail to get there? When no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get myself to a point of clarity?

This happens from time to time. It’s one of the primary reasons I fail to achieve some of the goals I set out for myself during periods of break (i.e. a 2 week winter break or a sprint before an important event). I tend to time my sprints around big upcoming events, because the motivation is “to get it done before the event” so I won’t have to stress. I have grand visions and tons of excitement to start, but it fizzles out by the end and I beat myself up for it. It’s cyclical. To cope, I’ll turn to other self-help articles, but honestly I know that any “how-to’s” on productivity I read will get me inspired for all of two seconds before I find my tendencies don’t always align with what the gurus say to do.

Frustrated with this cycle, and having studied my reactions and attributing factors to it over the years, I decided to write this guide to help me (and anyone exactly like me) process my internal operations and serve as a compass for me to move through life the way I intend to. Instead of brute forcing my way into doing things, I’ve figured out a few ways to work and compromise with myself. I don’t think anything I say here will be particularly novel, just genuinely how my brain works and how I function, so dive into it at your own will.

DRIVERS: what motivates me to get things done?

Of all the highlights I had in 2024, I discovered 90% of them involved decisions in which I a) acted/executed quickly upon conception of the idea, b) was impulsive, or c) was enabled to do so from my peers.² They were the result of letting my life unfold based on what I observed I liked and disliked. Rarely was it the case that I succeeded due to executing carefully calculated plans overtime. Bearing this in mind has given me insight to my inner operations.

Motivation can be a bit of a myth. I won’t dive too much about the merits of willpower, but it’s clear that action motivates action. Doing the thing, and doing it quickly after conception of the idea, is what turns my working gears the most. Systems and scripts (which I talk about later) help take care of everything else.

driver #1: feedback loops & obsessive spouts

This brings me to driver #1: tight feedback loops. The longer I put off something, the longer it takes for me to get it done. It is easiest for me to get things done when I do it quickly upon gaining inspiration from it. If i’m not careful, I’ll lose it, and it’ll take exponentially longer to get done. I dive into this a little more in obsessive spouts.³

Once inspiration strikes, I absolutely need to succumb to it if I want any chance of getting it done without feeling like I’m brute forcing it or doing so out of obligation. I need to close the loop as quickly as possible. This is who I am, and it’s in my nature. I simply care a lot. With the level of care I have for the things I am passionate about, I know I just need to get the ball rolling sooner than later. I do have some sort of internal compass to sort and prioritize some of these inspirations though, for example if I’m in the middle of an urgent/important work task but get inspiration strikes for a side project, I’m usually able to shelve it for later as long as I start on any aspect that can help move progress on it that same day.

Additionally, I gain energy from getting feedback from something and being able to iterate right away. This is evident when I design, or when I play volleyball. I can see the results tangibly, have an idea of my next steps, and have a desire to improve.

driver #2: perceived consequence, punishment & rewards

One of the foundational concepts you learn in psychology (s/o Psych 11) is this idea humans are conditioned to react to some form of reinforcement and punishment, conducting actions based on perceived consequence.

Consequences can range from anything physical, to mental, to financial, to social.⁴ In order of severity for me, they descend in the following order: social, financial, physical, mental. Social accountability is a top factor contributing to my ability to get things done; it’s the times when I know someone else is relying on me to see something through, and they need it urgently. Or when I’ve made a public commitment and feel a pressure to see it through.⁵ In the past I’ve also managed to see things through when I’ve sent money to a friend and told them to keep it if I don’t finish XYZ task. This works well if the sum is large enough, but I do it infrequently.

I’m not someone who is necessarily motivated by physical/mental rewards or punishment. Or rather, it’s just that I usually don’t think the task is worth the punishment of not following through on my physical goals. I usually go play volleyball anyways regardless if I finish, so it’s a difficult motivator even though I know it’s a punishment. As such, I’ve discovered the weight of the task must equal the weight of the punishment. I need to be doing a task that is just as important to me as practicing volleyball, in order for me to feel it is worth it to sacrifice a volleyball session. This is another way of saying, what are your priorities?

Focus isn’t just about saying no to things. It’s about saying no to the right things, to the things that require a sacrifice and have a relevant opportunity cost for saying no to it. Paraphrased from Steve Jobs, true focus is saying no to things that with every fibre of your being you want to say yes to and can’t stop thinking about, but you say no to it because you’ve committed to focusing on something else. For instance, it’s not enough for me to think I’m focused through saying no to watching k-dramas since I’m prioritizing work, because the sacrifice isn’t equal. It doesn’t carry the same weight of importance. Rather, it’s having the courage to choose between similar opportunities indexing on somewhat opposing benefits.

- me, from where the wind blows

If high perceived consequence motivates me, it only makes sense that there if there are times I don’t do something, it’s because the perceived consequences aren’t large enough for me. I’ve noticed I need them to be detrimental. While I don’t like putting too much pressure on myself to the point of burnout, I do think I need a little bit of pressure in order to get things moving. Nailing that balance has taken trial and error over the years living with myself, and I’m perpetually working on it.

ROOT CAUSES: good morning team, any blockers?

Oftentimes when I don’t do something, it’s not because the task itself is hard. The task itself is rarely hard, and often doesn’t actually take that long as a matter of fact. What takes time is needing to process my resistance around a task. Why don’t I want to do this? What’s actually going on here?

There’s this joke I recurringly make on Strava in which I refer to running as a way to battle my demons. Introducing my demons: blockers out to sabotage me from getting things done. By continuously asking myself why, and digging deeper, I get closer and closer to the root causes—pre-requisites that need to be satisfied before I can advance to the next level of doing the thing. Essentially, I need to slay my demons.

demon #1: guilt

I feel task guilt on a day-to-day basis. Everyone faces opportunity costs in their daily lives, but as a freelancer I am particularly vulnerable to this. As I dictate my own schedule, the things I choose to put into it matter. Anyone who works remotely from home may experience a similar sentiment - I often spend too much time worrying about if this is the right thing to do at the right time, rather than just doing the thing. Should I be working out right now, when I could be working? Such thoughts though, are futile. There will always be an infinite number of things I could be doing instead of the thing I am doing right now.

demon #2: overthinking

Even when I’m aware of my tendencies to overthink, there are times I still spiral. This could be related to any aspect of my life. In relation to work though, I know when I overthink things, they don’t get seen through to completion as quick as I would like. This is linked to my perfectionism, something I’m constantly working on, even as I write this blogpost. When it makes sense, I’m trying to focus on quantity over quality.

demon #3: fatigue & sickness

If I’m sick, I don’t feel like doing anything and I tend to excuse myself because I’m sick. If I’m sleep deprived, I get headaches and I really can’t get anything done when I have a headache, or if anything it’s unpleasant. Thus, I know it’s important for me to be in top condition. This means eating right and moving my body! In turn this means having groceries. If I don’t have groceries, I don’t have proper fuel. If I don’t have proper fuel I can’t exercise well, when I don’t exercise for a while I feel groggy/unmotivated. You’d be surprised how often I forget this is true.

demon #4: environment

To get groceries, I also need a place to go because I usually only get groceries if I’m on the way home from something. This brings me to blocker #4, environment. If I can’t get something done at home, I’ll go to a cafe or co-working space. Even something as convenient as my apartment lounge will do it for me. Perhaps a little matcha⁶ too.

When it comes to geographical environment, that also matters. When I am in Vancouver, I am slow. When I am in Toronto, I feel fast. I feel even faster in New York. I like to feel fast, so long as I’m not overwhelmed.

In a broader sense, the people I surround myself with matters. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who inspire me everyday.

BULLETPROOFING: what are my secrets to success?

secret #1: having back-up plans for your back-up plans

I’ve tried a variety of techniques in attempts to get in flow over the years. One technique I adopted, “bounce back checklists”, are a series of lists for me to refer to whenever I find myself in a certain mood i.e. if I feel unmotivated, sad, etc. However, I found they never worked because I don’t actually look at them or I forget that they exist, which defeats the purpose in the first place. Or sometimes, I do read it, but don’t feel motivated by what’s on there. The same happens with a Notes list I call “my secret sauce to success,” which is essentially my playbook for getting into flow state. but it’s also not foolproof, largely due to the blockers I mentioned earlier. It simply fails to work.

So what does?

A checklist is something you refer to because you don’t know everything that’s on it. A script however, is something inherently engrained in you. It is something you run, something that happens just because it’s what you do. All your body is doing is carrying out a set of pre-programmed instructions.

Instead of checklists, I now have scripts. These are a chain of actions I’ve practiced over time and my body has memorized. It automatically runs when I encounter a demon, and shuffles through the possibilities until I land on something that works for my situation. While similar to a routine, the key isn’t that scripts restrict me to doing the same thing over and over, but that it provides me with options within a constrained frame. For example, I know that when my mind is messy (from demon #1/2), one of running/lifting/reading/writing will often clear my head. I’ve created enough feedback loops (my favourite!) at this point that I intuitively know which action to perform.

My scripts can run thanks to my systems for many of my day to day tasks. Wake up. Breakfast is a smoothie, oatmeal, or a yogurt bowl. Lunch is an egg or tuna sandwich. Dinner is some form of noodle soup or the classic chicken/rice/broccoli combo. I have a list of groceries I’m used to, and I know to make a stop home when I go to a certain cafe. I know which cafes are effective for me depending on the work I need to get done. Sounds bland and boring, but it works. Essential for the rest of me to operate, as noted in demons #3/4. I need the foundations to run so I can focus on the novelty for everything else.

The other portion of tight time management is understanding every minute counts. If I have one hour before I have to leave, and I’m worried about getting too in flow, then I do liminal tasks. It’s a list of fallback items to turn to when I’m bored/on a commute/have liminal time between important tasks. I think at any given time, these can only be a list of 3-5 items, otherwise it risks being a list I don’t refer to at all. They also need to be habitual enough such that I do them without thinking about it, or I can think about the top 3 things and can choose between the 3 things based on how I’m feeling.

Currently my liminal tasks are clearing my inbox (mindless task), cleaning my photos, cleaning my room (physical), scrapbooking - either physical or digital (creative), duolingo/practicing korean in general (intellectual), or reading. If I do this overtime, it is way easier and will eventually get done than mentally thinking about having to carve out time to do it.

secret #2: process the resistance

When I speak about tight time management, I think of the tasks on my calendar that I keep moving. For example: I’ll have a task like “apply to ABC job.” It keeps getting pushed because there are pre-requisites. I might not be applying since I feel like I want to get my portfolio to a state I am satisfied with first. It is not there yet because I have to sit down and write a case study. So what I actually have to do is not schedule in “apply to ABC job”, but to schedule in on the pre-requisite tasks behind the main task. The pre-requisite can trace back to something as micro as “process resistance around why I’m not apply for ABC job.” Guilt can be a part of it, overthinking can be a part of it. My scripts will run until I discover the core issue.

secret #3: imposing arbitrary constraints

Pre-scheduled appointments help me a lot. Volleyball is an appointment. The reason I’m able to be so consistent with volleyball is because I know my options to play are limited to schedules set by the community. Therefore, this is a physical constraint. If there were only limited blocks in which I knew I was allowed to design, i.e. let’s say I physically can’t open Figma outside of these blocks, then of course I would design during those times. Knowing I have limited time makes the time I am able to have/spend all the more precious. Such is true with all other aspects of life.

Sometimes I will make promises to myself such as “I will not move from this spot until I finish writing this blogpost”, which I am doing right now in the lounge of my apartment in order to get the very blogpost you’re reading right now out. Imposing arbitrary restrictions to enforce a false sense of urgency often works very well for me, because I otherwise feel like life should be taken slowly. There’s a time and place for slow, but when I’m putting off the things I need done, speed and intensity matter.

secret #4: dancing to the rhythm of your body

Sometimes, despite all efforts with everything here, my body simply won’t do what I tell it do. This happens when I’m too focused on managing time, and not focused enough on managing energy. I know when I get home from volleyball at night, it’s unrealistic to think I can perform any high-level thinking task. So there’s no point in scheduling it then, because I’ll only feel bad about it after when I don’t do it.

Energy management is something I have been preaching for years, and the key to this is both understanding when I work best and also having a menu of tasks to choose from. It is important that this menu is diverse, such that there are different levels of mental strenuity needed and variety of tasks within various buckets, so based on how I’m feeling I can choose accordingly while still getting everything done. The level of urgency should be somewhat similar (one level off is okay). I balance what’s urgent with what’s important (similar to the Eisenhower Matrix) while factoring in my physical and mental capacity, i.e. liminal tasks when energy levels are low.

a note on experimentation & recalibration

This all brings me to experiments. Something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently is treating my life like a series of experiments. This is different from habit change because I don’t have to commit to a long habit. It’s the novelty of trying something new, like constantly having honeymoon phases with a new activity.

I think if I treated seasons of my life as a series of different experiments, I’d get a lot more done in a year than I might have believed originally. Due to Parkinson’s Law, planning based on the quarter will speed up what I think is possible for myself on an executional level. Of course, I can’t really predict for it, and most good things in my life happen due to a process of unfolding. But I can atleast directionally plan for it, and be equipped/open to things changing. That being said, this guide itself is open to recalibration as I continue to learn more about myself and evolve.

BONUS: specific things that simply scratches my brain good

You will notice this piece is littered with anime visuals. I’ve found my brain respond particularly well to when I watch an anime with a classic hero’s journey plot. Particularly, sports animes. As I consume them, they consume me: I become obsessed with the pursuit of progress and following my dreams. I usually channel this energy into a monthly playlist, which represents my goals and desires for that month.

If you’re anything like me, I’d recommend finding a particular piece of media that really resonates with you and latching on to it to become your entire personality (not even kidding, I think it’s really fun to play out different bits based on works that move you. Nothing else quite beats meme-ing something into existence⁷). In no particular order, here is also a list of random activities in my scripts that work for me:

• crack open a window

• take a shower (and really be present with it)

• light a candle

• spray perfume, wearing my favourite white top

• sports anime osts, my playlist of the month, or listening to SEVENTEEN

• making a little matcha

• getting any volleyball touches in (setting on my bed, ball control in my room, wall spike drills)

• doing my mobility/low-intensity plyo exercises (read: basically hopping around my apartment like a bunny)

• getting myself to a cafe (esp. butter & blue, my go-to “locking in” cafe)

• going to my apartment lounge (works surprisingly well)

• re-reading my favourite substack pieces

• re-reading affirmations from books/journals/lists

• yapping to a friend

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This is perhaps the most difficult piece of writing yet I’ve worked on for this Substack, simply because of the volume of content I needed to organize. I didn’t expect it to turn into a full-blown essay nor take me this long. Yet, with most essays, this post is still far out from being exhaustive and there is much left to be explored - and that’s exactly what this blog is for. If you stuck around this long, thanks. I hope it was helpful in some way, even if you’re not exactly like me.

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life roundup 𐙚₊˚⊹

• it turns out i was being dramatic during my last newsletter and as a matter of fact i did not hate vancouver that much, i was just experiencing massive jetlag and PMS. apologies. i actually had a wonderful time this time around; i got to see my family and play with my brothers’ dogs and play volleyball on a full court of extended family members. i saw some friends who i love oh so much and i celebrated new years with the loveliest people under a table eating 12 green grapes. something so silly but felt delightful to partake in this trend for the first time. i found ways to keep playing volleyball, and caught up with a friend who i hadn’t seen in a year and had no socials, which was particularly eye-opening to how much I had to rely on my own memory of our past conversations instead of what i see on one’s ig stories. by the time i had to leave, i actually felt quite sad instead of ready to leave again like i usually am, but i know the life i want to live is in toronto. it’s good to be back now :)

media i’ve been loving╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

• like I mentioned, currently on a sports anime grind. i recently finished Run with the Wind and now watching Hajime no Ippo (boxing). Blue Lock (soccer) or Major (baseball) is probably next. I also watched the Japanese film Monster on the plane ride to Toronto, I loved it though I wasn’t able to watch the final ten minutes as my flight landed. Lastly I’ve started Love Scout and I haven’t been this excited for an on-going k-drama in a long time!!

• when it comes to reading, i’ve been trying to slowly read my books for once, and focus on re-reading and really absorbing the content. I am finding joy in owning my own copies of books, so I can make little highlights and annotations in the margins. I want to have my own research library. I don’t want to rush through finishing books for the sake of ticking them off under the completion shelf, I want to jump around from book to book purely based on what I need at the time I am reading it. whether it’s the desire to ground myself from overwhelm, filter out noise, level up my skills, or pure entertainment. to that end, these days i’ve been reading Meditations on the commute to and from volleyball to get my head in the game, Get Together (Stripe Press), the Creative Act: A Way of Being, and a recently gifted copy of Everything I Know About Love.

• music: BSS’ 2nd album TELEPARTY (particularly Love Song), In a Sweat! from the Run with the Wind OST, I Won’t Say (I’m in Love) from Hercules (my favourite Disney movie. I should rewatch it.), Faster than me by iri (an artist who I’ve grown particularly fond of recently).

shoutouts ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

• jammy jams + particularly the Radius™ for our spontaneous hangouts

• JR for playing volleyball with me

• TT for introducing me to hajime no ippo

• CC for listening to my existential yaps & reviewing this piece

• coach neil & coach mike from my volleyball clinic

• yeji for turning me into toast

• the designerds for being a lovely, inspiring creative bunch to be surrounded by

1. The discourse around the effectiveness of making/publicizing new years resolutions is one I’ll save for another time, but in short I think making and sharing them is an overall net positive for myself due to my tendencies you’ll read presented in this guide. In the past, I wouldn’t be as vocal about what I wanted because I was afraid I wouldn’t actually get there, or that I’d be ridiculed for my desires. This year I’m experimenting with saying “so what?” to all of that. There might be people who are praying for my downfall, but so what. There might be people who think it’s cringe of me to want these things, so what? I might fail and it might be embarrassing, so what. This is my life to live.

2. I had FOMO because all my friends were running the Sporting Life 10k, so I ran it too with less than 3 weeks of training after 6 years of not running. I only started running design workshops because of a message from SL, who told me the community needed something like this. I felt some sort of pull towards it, I thought maybe there was a calling there. When I returned to Vancouver, in the middle of a slump from heartbreak I still managed to pull off an event because DJ wanted me to.

3. Tangent, but one of the beautiful parts of writing online is seeing how your words from six months ago, a year ago, ten years ago, coalesce to reveal the parts of yourself that have always been thinking and feeling the same things. I love writing only to realize I’ve written about the same thing before, and being able to cite my previous thoughts as reference. It feels like I’m connecting with the past, present, and future versions of myself all at once. Even linking this piece just now made me realize that last year I did the same thing where I make some remark about the new year and dive into some reflections. How incredible.

4. Examples:
Physical: If I don’t complete X, I don’t get to play volleyball/go see my friends. If I skip these exercises, my health will take a toll.
Social: If I don’t finish X on time, I may be publicly ridiculed. If I don’t finish this on time, K won’t be able to print posters to promote their event. If I don’t finish this on time, the product launch will be delayed.
Mental: If I don’t take care of this now, it’ll bother me for the rest of the day and prevent me from doing anything else.
Financial: If I don’t finish this on time, I owe N $X. If I don’t do this, I won’t be able to afford Y.

5. The Futureland 100-day challenge is probably the first time in a long time I had ever been super consistent with something. I set out to write everyday along other folks who had their own challenges, with the only rule being it was kept up for 100 days. If I was doing it alone, I probably wouldn’t have lasted.

6. Iced, with oat milk. Never hot. Ceremonial grade only.

7. Though I was playing volleyball already last year, I didn’t get serious it until September after I re-watched Haikyuu. After watching Run with the Wind, I’m joking about running the Mt. Fuji marathon. People ask me questions like “boxing era when?” because I’m watching Hajime no Ippo. It’s fun. And who knows, I might actually do it.