obsessive spouts
or pathways to curating taste
I tend to get obsessed easily. Discovering a new game in one second and playing it all day the next, diving down a Wikipedia rabbithole, or even planning out my entire future with someone who I just met (call me delusional or whatever).
Spontaneous bursts of motivation; they come in waves that ebb and flow. Though most are short-lived, some outlast others and become enduring.
Obsessive spouts is what I call them. I might try to put a lid on them but they leak, they overflow into my days and nights. When I was obsessed with getting my first blogpost out, I holed myself in cafes to write all day, and edited thumbnails in class. Sleepless nights derived from video editing marathons. Somehow, a portfolio re-design is done overnight when other days it’s difficult for me to even update text.
These spouts help me notice. They help me learn about myself.
Obsession helps me curate my taste.
Lately, I've been contemplating how I curate my taste. I’d say it often starts by chasing your curiosities, but what does that really mean?
For the longest time, I was torn over if the things I’m curious about are actually what I’m curious about or if they’re things I think I should be curious about because, well, everyone else seems to be curious about them! I was tempted to ask others what they think I’m curious about based on what I seemed to signal etc., but then at that point I’m relying on other people’s opinions of me rather than trusting my own intuition. For someone who writes about self-trust, this is ironic. When I was more unsure of myself, “copying” what others were doing became a launchpad for exploring what I liked and didn’t like.
Now, I make a conscious effort to turn inward first. This shift has been particularly impactful over recent years, as I’ve found myself observing my feelings, thoughts, and behaviours almost omnisciently. I keep a running list of things I like and dislike, of what energizes and what drains me. I refer back to the list when I feel I’ve forgotten who I am. When something deeply resonates, I save it to my Curius. I recently started an Ar.ena for more visual references. At this point, I feel I’ve gotten a pretty good pulse on what I actually like and dislike, and the evidence is in what I actively pursue and continue learning about. Over time, these lists continue to grow and evolve as I do. In turn, I get to see the trajectory of my taste evolution decently well — what sticks, what doesn't.
When I notice my natural inclination towards a particular topic, I lean in. I double down. Even if it’s short-lived, it signals to me what’s exciting. It’s listening to the inner voice instead of suppressing it. Eventually if I do this often enough, I’m sure I’ll find something enduring, long-lasting. Perhaps that is what I would call my “passion.” I think passion is pretty interconnected with obsession in a way, though obsession is usually viewed with a negative connotation and passion with a positive one. While passion is important, it takes a certain obsessiveness to really nail something down to its core and execute in a way that feels right. The product you love so much and use daily? I bet someone was obsessed enough with the details to make it just right. I hope to have that obsessiveness shine through my craft as well.
So what do I tend to lean into?
I find myself jumping to community initiatives in a heartbeat. That much has been evident to me from my past experiences organizing hackathons, and current experiences hosting Atelier sessions. I want to gather people, cultivate both physical and digital spaces for experimentation and play, and create worlds that inspire magic. I pore over mixed-media, my mind buzzing with a dozen ideas a day of how to communicate how we feel via various mediums of art and expression. I’m sentimental and I feel memories vividly – I try to package them in any way I can. I journal. I write. I make silly little scrapbook Instagram carousels and travel reels. I dive into these activities so much that I often don’t know where the hours go while working on them.
I’m often aware I am in these obsessive spouts. I know they might not lead to a “productive” outcome. I know I’m caring way more than I should and letting it consume my entire soul when sometimes it shouldn’t. But insofar it’s not detrimental to my health or those around me, I will continue to obsess. To dive into those rabbitholes, observe my patterns, change course as necessary, rinse and repeat.
Because I think that sometimes, you need to care. That it’s beautiful to care. That in order to work on something that really, truly, makes you feel it in all of your bones you have to be utterly obsessed. To love and care for something (or someone) so deeply you’re willing to pull out all the stops. That obsession is way cooler than apathy.
If you’re anything like me, you might benefit from leaning into your obsessions too. Then maybe, just maybe—you’ll find something that lasts.
some recent obsessions
making personal websites more personal (also related: websites that feel super handmade)
a k-drama: Castaway Diva
ligatures and handcrafted typography after trying to make my own font
after visiting Snoopy Garden on Jeju Island this year and learning all the Snoopy lore I developed a Snoopy obsession. since then, I’ve pretty much tried to acquire anything and everything Snoopy. my mom’s friend recently gifted me a set of of Snoopy hand cream and I could not be more delighted
getting my protein in and hitting the gym. this has been pretty enduring and consistent. i swear my friends roll their eyes everytime i request for my only dietary preference being a high protein meal
this interactive music video/website that i literally discovered this morning (of the day I’m publishing this post) and am now off in obsession to plot out the mixed-media creations i want to make