evening glow
life recently, or Toronto so far
evening glow, wave to earth
Amber rays of sunlight filter into my room. I notice the slant of the shadows it casts, the snow melting and dripping from my windowsill like rain. Slowly at first, then all at once. It reminds me that as frequently as there might be storms, they too will pass. You can be born anew. Just like the seasons come and go, you will bloom again.
✻
It’s been some time since my last post. I wish I could say I have been taking the time to compose a longer, well-researched in-depth piece—but in reality, I’ve just been living a lot of life these days.
Though it pains me to have neglected writing in the process, I think this month has taught me a lot about the importance of community, environments, and taking things slowly while simultaneously knowing when to ramp up and ride momentum.
Wanted to write about some of the abundance I’ve been feeling as of late :)
It feels like I am returning to myself, a cycle akin to how I felt before starting university. I’ve discovered a new excitement for life. I have this wondrous optimism and am eager to exercise my own agency. The buzz of a new environment greets me with joy and possibility, and I’m curious to explore it. I’ve joked to my friends about how my first week here has felt like Orientation Week all over again, but it’s very true.
In my early years of undergrad I felt an extreme aversion to meeting people, going out, being social, etc., when in the later years of high school I was always out and about. In hindsight, it seems that maybe I was just surrounded by the wrong people (for me) when I was convincing myself I just didn’t like people. This was also coupled with my hyperfocus on school, work, and extracurriculars, where I rarely took the time to breathe and felt like seeing my friends were a ‘reward’ I had to earn rather than something that could be more integrated into my daily life.
Since I didn’t take advantage of as many social opportunities in undergrad, I wanted to situate myself somewhere where I could replicate a campus-like density of people again. In these four walls, I wrote about how uncertain I was about my decision to move. However, I’m really lucky to say those feelings were effectively dissolved within merely two weeks of landing in Toronto, largely because of people. Living in downtown Toronto has increased my surface area for serendipity tenfold, just from sheer proximity to friends and other talented, ambitious individuals. From chance meetings at the local coffee shop, to spontaneous hangouts with friends—I’ve felt so lucky to experience the magic of these moments firsthand. I’ve come to see now why everyone wants to live near their friends.
I’ve been feeling very inspired and supported to pursue my goals recently, and I attribute much of it to the communities and the people I’ve encountered here so far. I didn’t realize how much I longed for a sense of community, until I came here and experienced how rich it is to not just have one community to lean on, but interconnected communities. While I had a budding community in Vancouver I loved, it felt like that was my lifeline. Compared to here, I feel there are multiple communities I can rely on, stemming from various aspects of life such as undergraduate friends, to twitter mutuals, to other misc. connections, which is what makes it so awesome!
While thinking about building and sustaining community, these days have revealed to me how much of it boils down to having something regular to return to. A weekly co-working session, book club, sports practice, trivia night, and so on. Something you can rely on still being there with a recurring cadence, like an old friend. At first, it’s maybe a few faces, or none. But overtime, as you attend the same type of events or chat in a Discord server regularly, one friendly face becomes two, two becomes three, and eventually you find a group of people you come to spend time with and grow closer to over time. What’s even more pleasant is when you start moving these people outside the main context you met in, and still enjoying their company. Introducing them to other people you think they’d get along with, and watching those relationships flourish as well. Growing communities by weaving them into the fabrics of your existing social networks.
✻
In the short time I’ve been in Toronto I’ve been met with so much love, grace, and opportunity. It feels like this has all been possible thanks to the last 6 months of my life getting actively involved in community, and meeting those who have showed me the people really do make all the difference. It’s almost made me suspicious, how good life feels to me right now. When bringing this up to a friend over dinner, she reminded me to not question it when I’m happy. So dare I say: I’m feeling lucky, grateful, happy.
I feel like I’m blooming.
some things i’ve been up to
Moved into my new apartment downtown beginning of this month, and it has been hectic and exhausting to say the least. Glad to say I am somewhat settled in now though!
I spent a weekend in Orangeville on a creator’s retreat where we made homemade pasta, hiked in the snow, gazed at the stars, and sang songs by the fireplace while cooking s’mores. It was so sweet to see how 20 strangers turned into friends by the end of the trip <3
Hosted a design accelerator within my first month landing here, which makes me all the more grateful for the power of community and how many people supported me in this idea I had to make something happen :’)
Hosting and attending weekly weekend co-working sessions
I’ve been semi-regularly attending Walk and Talks hosted by my friends Hussam and Tommy, if you’re around in Toronto you should definitely check it out!
Coworking sessions out of my friends’ apartments, coworking at new cafes with different friends, occasional jam nights, show and tells
Intimate dinner nights for female creatives; one where I got my friends together in one room to be silly, and another where we talked about our feelings and wrote wax-sealed letters to each other
Various other community meetups and events
Adoring my friend’s cat
failed miserably at getting IU concert tickets ;-;
Getting bike-pilled! Been using the city bikes to get around as of late and I’m so excited to be able to do so even more as the weather warms up. Other ways I’ve been active include walking everywhere, playing volleyball semi-regularly, hitting the gym, trying hot pilates for the first time. Been getting pressured to get on that ClassPass grind so that might be my next thing as well
a k-drama i’m starting: Queen of Tears
some shoutouts
Everyone I’ve had the privilege of meeting recently through these communities. Particularly these people who have made my time worth it thus far here: TT, NC, LN, the design girlies (<3), reading club (JL), jam friends, various twitter mutuals, the roomies, and so much more. Thank you for everything.
K, who pushed me to make the move to Toronto in the first place
T, who I told I would shave my head if I didn’t get a blogpost out by the end of the week (we both mutually agreed to extend to Sunday…), but atleast I get to have my hair for another day, huzzah! I had a lot of different things I wanted to write for this publish, but I’ve ended up scrapping a lot with intentions to dive into them deeper in further posts. I just needed this to get me back into my regular writing cadence, so I hope to have those see the light of day soon :)
M, who despite not being near me has made every day here feel a bit lighter
💕💕
eee we love to see it